a life unaccounted for

un na nga, nangyari n ang iniiwasan ni ugin.. hehe!

kinausap xa ni boy etnad nung pasko... nde ko narinig ung buong pag-uusap nla eh.. pro natutuwa ko..

so far, so good..

i guess it really is official now..

^_^

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need and
Everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause its so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishin on a wishin star
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
Don't know why I do

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight,
And give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
and know she's lucky cause
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishin on a wishin' star
He's the song in the car I keep singing,
Don't know why I do

So I'll drive home alone,
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight

He's the time, taken up
But there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into

Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see...

because of immem, nadiscover ko ang secondhand serenade.. ayun, nagustuhan ko na sila.. nsa playlist ko yun last song ever..

normally mas gusto ko pag all girl band o kaya pag girl ang vocalist.. (feminist?) pero gusto ko na din sila..

eto yung isang kanta nila.. ung i hate this song... about making a song for a girl but getting hurt in the process.. aaaww..

"I Hate This Song"
Speak with your tongue tied,
I know that you're tired
But I just want to know,
Where you want to go,
I may be sad, But I'm not weak,
This situation is bleak
And you puffy eyes never lie,
Your tears come from inside.

Until Sunday I'll be waiting for an answer
I guess that yesturday's not good enough for you,
You know that I hate this song,
You know that I hate this song
Because it was written for you

Drown your fears with me
I'm feeling real sorry
Your glossy eyes don't need
The sadness they have seen
But you're way too deep to swim
Back up again
But somehow I can't find
The moment you said goodbye

This is becoming a problem I'm hurting it's unfair
But somehow your words,
The way that I heard are haunting me,
You're under my skin
You're breaking in,
And the tasteless fights that filled our nights
Are starting to cave in,
You're under my skin
You're breaking in

And if Sundays what it takes to prove
I have nothing else to loose

ayun.. hehe! sana makagawa din ako ng mga ganyang kanta.. o sana ung mga poem ko gawing ganyan.. wala lang.. galing nila eh.. i think gagawa ulit ako ng poems..

the last time i had drawn something was when i'm in elementary.. pero thanks to one boring professor who got me exempted from a quiz for guessing a blue chip's trident (sinetch itey?!), nadiscover kong marunong pa rin pla akong mag draw..

bumili agad ako ng dawing book.. drawing galore! pewo puro cartoons muna.. sayang, sna naimprove na ko kung tinuloy ko..

anyway, dahil nagtitipid din ako, drawing na lang yung niregalo ko kei ugin for our 13th monthsary.. c baby gaara.. ganda!

i think i would pursue this as hobby..

i jus checked my Friendster profile and nag-comment pla yung best friend ko sa mindoro.. c Dalhia Mendoza Conde.. mei anak na pla xa, nabuntis xang nde ko man lang nalaman...

of course, i would be ninang.. naku, parang andami ko ng batchm8s na nabuntis ah.. or nag-asawa..

i hope i can still have tym to enjoy my single-blessedness.. hehe! mas masarap lumaboy ng lumaboy, lalo na kung mei pewa na ko..

although becos lalaki baby nya, nde natuloy ung plano nmen to name the baby zea mays.. sken nman lexi alyosha, hehe!

all in its own time, we will see...

but i'm happy na nde nya pinabayaan ung studies nya.. i'll definitely be there sa wedding nya! maybe isasama ko din c ugin..

Tickle

Theresa's Handwriting Analysis


Left Margin
Looks like you're always ahead of yourself! Your wide left margin indicates that you put the past far behind you. Are you running away from something or just embracing the future? Either way, you manage to jump into new things without looking back.

Right Margin
What's it like living in the future? Your narrow right margin reveals that you've got no time for today. Ambitious, spontaneous, and adaptable, you forge ahead without any hesitation.

Dots
Hold your horses! A high dot that's offset to the right indicates an adventurous, sometimes impatient, but always spontaneous person.

Baseline
But that's not in the rulebook! Writers who hug the baseline tend to play life by the rules. You probably value security and stability over adventure and excitement. Pragmatic and particular, your life is always kept in control and running smoothly.

Evenness
If life is a balancing act, you're doing pretty well. A moderately straight baseline indicates a well-balanced person who is both dependable and flexible. You've got good common sense and can solve problems creatively. Keep on this track, and you'll be able to handle whatever life sends your way.

Slant Lines
I think I can! I think I can! I think I can! Upward slanting baselines indicate eagerness and optimism. You're an ambitious person and a positive thinker.

Crossbars
Do as I say, not as I do. The downward slanting bar indicates a domineering person who can be bossy at times.

Slant Letters
You're warm and approachable. A right slant indicates a general penness and ease of expression. You're probably very in touch with your emotions and aren't afraid to let them show. People enjoy your easygoing nature and admire your sincerity.

well, almost.. mei incomplete kme ni udeng sa BL dahil preho kme ng case analysis.. hehe! ganun pla feeling ng muntik ng matanggal.. good thing c atty ung tipo ng prof na sbihin mo lng na scholar ka, bhala na xa sau.. thank god for miracles!!

kinabahan si udeng for me.. sbe nya sbihing xa ang mei ksalanan pra xa lng ang incomplete.. actually, ksalanan ko din partly.. tinamad akong igawa xa kya kinopya ko na lng saken.. haay..

anyway, lesson learned.. ngaun tlaga mas hahatiin ko na ung tym ko sa knila.. nda na pedeng petiks petiks.. nawili kase sa laboy at tambay, yan tuloy...

lalo ngaun, sobrang hihirap na ng accounting, considering barely na lng ako nkapasok.. kelangan hanggang 5th yr scholar ako.. aukong si udeng ang masisi pag nawala ako sa scholar...

2 days before anniv!!

just wasting my remaining 15 mins (giving them a run for their money..)

a wik to go tas anniv na nmen.. haay...

la lng, spent the sembreak hanging out on each other's house.. palipat-lipat! hehe! nde nmen maasikaso feasib.. ngii! kulitan, kilitian, dvd marathon, kain, higa.. this is the life!!

we had came to a compromise to avoid squabbles.. pag maliit na bgay, bwal gawan ng issue.. (i guess mas nagfo-focus kme ngaun sa pagde-decide kung malaki ba o maliit yung isyu, forgetting it altogether..)

akalain mo yun, one year na kme? wow! last year pa pla yung walalng katapusang pagtyempo kung papano ko sya sasagutin.. so much for different tactics.. hehe! enwei, evrything's great... khit madameng awayan at tampuhan, i guess we still make up in a big, big way...

madami pa ring dahilan pra hindi nmin i-give up to.. ang saya-saya kaya??!! hehe!

chaka close na kme sa knya-knyang loved ones, so mas okey na..

sobrang dame ko ng nagagawang poem para sa knya.. obvious ba? but nothings beats the APOTHEGM..

despite everything anyone can think of, saya pa rin ng taon na to.. next year ulet?

mwuah!

semper fidelis...

nakupenda!!

When I’m with you…

…I wriggle, flitter, flounder
…I skip, twitch, hitch
…I sway
…I tremble, stumble, shamble
…I totter, jostle, hustle
…I flap
…I shiver, twitter, quiver
…I palpitate, agitate, pulsate
…I stagger
…I reel to and fro
…I brave the winds and waves
…I brandish my wand
…I whip my multiloquence
…I fall in love
…I fall out of love
…I fall back in love
…I became the luckiest princess
…I remain the emblem of foolishness
…I love every moment of it
(…I regret nothing.)

Celestial bliss I felt as I accede to your arm
A refuge for the destitute, no judgment, no harm
Lull me into sleep, never put up a fight
Fiery eyes connected with mine, and nothing’s ever right

Your hand traveled: coursing, finding its place
Lost in the potter’s field, in itself a maze
Found the one in hiding, you clamor and grasp
Elysian Fields erupted, then out I passed

I’m your own succubus, a paradisiacal one
Cadaverous and stygian, I’m here but I’m gone
With me even in abattoir, Nirvana will be felt
Blood will be effused, into annihilation you’ll melt

Out of nowhere
A tear fell—
A drop
A trickle
Erasing
Trace of kisses
Left on my mind
Grip tightens
Afraid
Of falling
Into everlasting oblivion
Feeling wasted
I laid
A hopeless case
Then
Out of nowhere
A tear fell—
A drop
A trickle
Healing
The wound in my heart
Till I’m whole
Again.

How can you let go of the gypsy
Who had found her home with you?
You took away the chagrin
But inflict misery in return
Removed her from desolation
Just to be crushed with gnawing grief
Now she’s back
On the streets—
Alone,
Waiting for someone
Who could put her out
From vexation of spirit
Waiting for someone
Who will make her complete
With just a touch,
A kiss, a smile..
Waiting for someone
Who will hold her hand
And take all her fears
Waiting for someone
Who will hug her
And make her forget
All she’s been through
Waiting for someone
Who will know everything
She’s about to say
Waiting for you
To take her back
(And hopes you will
Before she gets tired of waiting)
But for now
She’ll wander
Again.

Stop pushing it; I’m tired of all these games
All that’s left to us are ashes from the flame
Coz how could you doubt what I really feel
How could you say my love isn’t real?

Words are not enough to show a feeling this elusive
So just allow me to reveal the heart you held captive

I don’t have to say I love you
My actions show it all
I don’t have to say you’re my world
I’ll just be there when you call
The way I kiss you, the way I stare
How the elegy of my heart is bared
Don’t doubt, I’ll be here for you
I don’t have to say I love you

Such enigma we are surrounded with
Chaos: would our supplication be heed?
Never fear, just hold on to me
Look into my eyes and you’ll see

But since it’s what you want to hear
Then I love you so much still..

I wish I can see you more often
L eaving you? I think I can’t
O nly you completes my day
V ery sad of me when you’re away
E verytime you’re near
Y ou can see a smile in me
O nly towards you I’m feeling this so tru
U nbelievable, but I think I LOVE YOU..

(ginawa ko nung grade 5)

Idyllic memories of you run through my head
Doubts set aside, questions left unsaid
Be here, will you? For I am emancipated
Freed from the banshees following my stead

Never did you went astray from your role
A Promethean lad always heeding to my call
Succumbing to your warmth, I remain vulnerable
But not even once did you let me fall

Forget the things we’ve shared, I will never
Hyaline thoughts for this princess to bear
Grateful that our worlds crashed into each other
Because since then, life had never been sweeter

my peripheral vision catches you
a glimpse ten seats away from me
wondering how situations change
exuberance sent into the void

as passengers go down
so are my feelings melt into nothingness
one by one, they vanish
leaving me numb and apathetic

can't use these hands anymore
to grab your willingly offered neck
nor these fangs to savor them
and rightfully claim my eternal slave

time for me to go home
forget all the regrets and disappointments
yet i can't see where to step down
cause tears blur these mystic eyes...

Alam mo, mei mga bagay na hindi na tinatanong dahil mahirap sabihin.. hindi porke’t ayokong magsalita, ayoko na sa relasyong ito.. minsan ayoko lang ng maxadong maraming arguments.. kasi napapgod din ako sa awayang lingo-linggo ata.. at hindi dahil napapagod ako, ibig sabihin nagsasawa na ko.. minsan kelangan lang din naten ng break.. kino-consider ko din un, kaya pinapayagan kitang sumama kila dyuli kahit wala ako.. ayokong masanay ka palagi na ako ang kasama.. na halos (katulad nga ng sabi mo) saken na lang umikot ang buhay mo.. ang gusto khit magkahiwalay tayo, may sarili ka paring identity.. kaya mo pa ring mag-enjoy.. dapat ikaw pa rin si ugin, hindi ka lang boyfriend ni issa.. gets mo ba ko?

Sana naisip mo na hindi porke’t hindi ako nagsasalita, ibig sabihin natitiis na kita.. mali. May mga panahon kasi na mas mabuting pabayaan ko na lang na ganun kesa makipag-argument.. mas gusto kong pag nag-away, hindi na kelangang magsigawan sa jeep, basta ang gusto ko, pag hinawakan ko ung kamay mo, okei na un.. hindi na kelangang pag-usapan.. at least chaka na, pag maraming oras na makakapag-usap, hindi ung saglit na panahong nasa jeep—kahit anong gawin naten, hindi tayo makakapag-usap ng maayos dun..

Nakakalungkot isipin na hindi pedeng mawala ung isyung talino pag mei misunderstanding tayo.. alam mo ba ung pakiramdam mo pag nanliliit ka dahil tingin mo malaking isyu saken yun? Mas grabe pa nararamdaman ko pag napapag-usapan un.. lintek, anong koneksyon nun sa anumang pinag-aawayan naten? Just in case hindi mo pa nga ako kilala, ung isang usyu na un ang pinakaayaw kong marinig kung may kaaway ako… ano naman kung matalino ako? Ano naman kung scholar ako? Ibig sabihin ayoko ng mapalibutan ng mga tanga, ng mga bobo? Punyetang utak yan!! Ayokong isipin na ang tingin mo saken, mahalaga para saken na ang boyfriend ko dapat matalino.. tuwing magkasama tayo, wala ba tayong ginawa kundi magsagot ng logic quiz?? Syempre sa tagal naten, akala ko hindi mo na iisipin un.. pero sa tuwing sinisingit mo un, hindi ko maiwasang isipin na un nga ang tingin mo saken…

Anyway, naisip ko din na tuwing nag-aaway tayo, hindi ka pumapasok.. pinapabayaan mo ung grade mo.. hindi mo ba naisip kung pano na kung nagkabati tayo? Maibabalik mo pa ba ung absent mo? Tas pag nakakuha ka ng mababang grade.. self pity ka na naman, tas magiging isyu na naman… paikot ikot lang tayo..

Pano ko maasahan na mei matatakbuhan ako pag mei problema ko kung parang mas mahina ka pa saken? Bakit parang ako pa ung dapat yung manuyo palagi? Hindi ba pedeng dahil mei boyfriend na ko, wala na kong maxadong problema dahil may aasahan na ko?
Nakakalungkot naman na sa simpleng bagay, umaabot tayo sa ganito.. hindi kaya dahil subconsciously, nagkakasawaan na tayo? Alam ko sinabi mong hinding-hindi ka magsasawa saken, at sinabi ko din un sayo.. pero hindi mo ba napapansin na bigla na lang lumalaki ung mga pag-aaway naten? Natatakot ako, kasi ayoko pang matapos to dito.. sigurado ko, mami-miss kita agad—baka sunduin pa kita para mapilit kitang pumasok.. natatakot ako kasi alam ko marami pa tong kasunod.. pano kung hindi na simple ung simula? Pano kung masyado na tayong napagod? Ayokong isipin kung ano pedeng mangyari..

Nakakatawa na kahit anong gawin kong pag-iwas, naghihintay pa rin akong magtext ka kahit wrongsend lang na para kay dyuli dapat..

Hindi ako makatulog.. nagsusulat ako na nakapatay ung ilaw para walang makakita na umiiyak ako.. nagagalit ako sayo.. nalulungkot ako.. kinakabahan ako sa pwedeng kalabasan nito, nawawalan ako ng ganang kumilos, naiinis, naguguluhan.. pero hindi ko maintindihan ung sarili ko kung bakit inaasahan kong tatawag ka pa rin samen…
At bakit kahit hindi mo napapansin, gusto ko pa ring maniwala na nakikita mo chaka naa-appreciate yung mga effort ko, kahit pagkatapos sasabihan mo pa rin akong walang pakialam sayo o sa relasyong to…

Retreat na namen sa Friday.. pahinga muna tayo until then..

birthday ni mama ngaun!! mei friendster na xa.. hehe! missing her.. (bkit daw mas mrame png pix c ugin s fster ko kesa sa knya..)

h10m na! gnda ng venue.. cavite!! tekyu kei sir garin at sir diosana.. napilit nmen na sumama sa pagsundo sa mga boy retreatants... tenkyu din kei kuya driver, kuya janitor at kuya GSD.. at sa mga corny green jokes nila..!

high school musical 2..

rambutan..

buko, ube, and mango tarts (ninong mark! mwuah!)..

rc..

sa mga bading na nagalit smen for stealing their spotlight (solo na nila ung boys if not for us.!)..

french fries..

kare kare ng la sallete retreat house..

pcc bus..

kei diding na naggigitara at sumasayaw..

at kei udeng na isinama ko sa ipinamimigay nyang heart... nakupenda!

(tenkyu din kei joan for forfeiting her bet on us.. matatalo ka din nman if ever eh! hehe! )

most of my written works were usually misplaced.. (burara xe..) kya from now on ilalagay ko na d2 ung mga isusulat ko.. sayang xe ung iba.. hehe! bsta ung nandto 2ndhand na, mga nde na-publish sa Crusader... get writing!!!

sinulat ko lng to pra ma-remind ako na once in my life, natalo ko din c yno sa essay writing, hehe! idol.. (kelan ko kya mtatalo c kuya sherwin.. wishful thinking!! eh nuno ng katalinuhan un eh, hehe!)

hay nku.. hirap nman ng mei nde pnapansin sa skul... waah! we nman eh.., ksalanan ko ba..? miss ko na xa..

enwei, nde nman tlaga ako ksali, bat ba ko namomroblema..? (un na nga eh, ala nman kinalaman sken, bkit kelangang mdamay kme ni ate belle??!!)

huhu.. kakalungkot..

okei lng sna sken, its just that she became too harsh on me.. akala ko snay na ko sa knya... hehe! cguro sanay lng ako na ginagawa nya un sa iba.. iba pa rin pg sau ginawa..

still, everyone should learn their lessons.. we learned ours, its time she learn hers...

missing her, though.... :c

(Lolo Aps, Clara, Peter, Bernard, Heidi, and Billy)

akalain mo un!! prang c heidi lng!! hehe!! (c pinoy big bernard yan.. from mines view park...)