guillotine by urbandub
What's done is done
And we've crossed the line
Your indecision is taking over every time
Your pride, my anger
Our situation is worse than ever
We've taken this too far
We've had our run
With your arms wrapped tight
Around my neck
Close my eyes I sink and grasp for breath
She's with someone new.
All hope is gone
And since you're never gonna change
I'll erase your taste and let you go slowly
Suddenly I wasn't enough
Your lust disguised as love.
You're pushing me too far
We've had our run
With your arms wrapped tight
Around my neck
Close my eyes I sink and grasp for breath.
She's with someone new.
This whole time with me
Was just another lie
Threw my feelings up and down
You're just a little inconsiderate.
***
sa gitna ng discussion...
issa: your indecision is taking over every time!
ugin: weh? your pride, my anger.. our situation is worse than ever!
issa: all hope is gone..
ugin: since you're never gonna change, i'll erase your taste and let you go slowly..
issa: suddenly i wasnt enough?
ugin: your lust disguised as love!
^_^
for a hundred bucks, we have enjoyed watching the "we are!" concert celebrating pcc's 95th founding anniversary at the upper courtside level (sa gallery dapat.. salamat sa koneksyon!) and witnessed different showcases of talent from students, faculties, non-teaching staff, guest performers from MAPSA schools, and from Monsi himself, aside from guest celebrities like acel santos of the pinoy pop superstar fame, arnel ignacio ("prayer rally ba to?"), roxanne barcelo who didn't make the crowd very responsive, and kris lawrence who, by swift dance moves and great voice made the girls swoon and dance from their seats (literally!)
the next concert will happen in the centennial celebration of PCC in 2013, hopefully by then we could watch and reconnect with old acquaintances, all of us being young professionals already..
***
issa: kitakita tau sa 2013 concert ah? dpat punta taung lahat dun, sa unahan na tau!!
jovy: masaya un!
ugin: sana lang alumni na tau ng mga panahong un, bka 5th year pa rin..
^_^
***
host: nanonood ba kau ng pbb?
issa: *sigaw* para nyo nang awa, wag si wendy!!
host: isa sya sa mga host ng pbb..
issa: toni, toni, toni!! (c roxane pla..)
***
jovy: issa, samahan mo ko sa cr?
issa: tara, bilisan mo, baka biglang lumabas c toni!!
^_^
- he offers to wash our dishes pag tinatamad ako para nde magalit sken c kareen
- pinapauna nya kong kmuha ng pagkain dahil alam nyang nde ako kumakain ng taba
- he lets me sleep during our dvd marathons pag antok na antok na ko; but
- hindi xa matutulog khit antok na antok na xa pag gusto kong mag-usap na lng kme magdamag
- he offers to wash my clothes pag marami akong ginagawa
- kahit na nagtitipid kami, he is eager to spend pag sinabi kong nagugutom na ko
- he immediately kisses me pag kinakalabit ko xa, khit wala na kong pharyngitis and i can easily say "kiss mo ko"
- sinusundo pa rin nya ko sa zodiacs khit nagseselos xa kila kuya jasper
- nagiinternet xa sa zodiacs ng lagpas 3 hours pag wala akong kita
- alam ng mga classmate nmin pag magkaaway kami--pareho kaming tahimik which rarely happens
- ginagaya nya si lindsay lohan sa freaky friday (kicking from the back)
- he proves to ms caga na kaya nyang mag-excel sa accounting ng hindi ako katabi (pero nami-miss ko na xa, hindi na kami maasar dahil may nakasulat na 'labyu! mwuah!' sa worksheet nya)
- he insists to ask permission from ate dana pag inaabot kami ng 11:30 sa panonood sa bahay, even if ate is the coolest ate in the world, and she wouldn't mind
- he never misses the chance to compliment me in anything
- inaalagaan nya si khilet pag mei sakit xa
- dinadala nya ung cellphone (s knya un, ako lng gumagamit cmula nung bilhin nya) sa bahay khit hatinggabi pag naiiwan ko sa knila, para matext ko xa kinabukasan paggising ko
- nagpapatugtog xa sa knila pag may away kami, so parang may background palagi lahat ng arguments namin (fave picks: kismet by silent sanctuary and migraine by moonstar)
- he sings in my ear
- nalungkot sina bilog at temay nung akala nilang magbe-break kami
- hindi papasok si matthew (pamangkin nya) kung nde dadaan sa zodiacs
- ayaw nya ng masisikip na lugar, pero sinasamahan pa rin nya ko sa guadalupe
- we agreed on not having term of endearment dahil cheesy un, pero ung issa naging issa ko, tas naging mahal ko, tas naging mahal. so there.
- i could spend a day citing more instances.
udeng for me is what paulo coelho describes as "zahir"--something that when you have seen or touched, will never be forgotten, and will gradually fill your memories until you are driven to madness.
salamat sa lahat!! hapi puso udeng.. nakupenda!
semper fidelis.
WHAT IS YOUR SHOUT OUT:
piktyur mosaic to, nde to pixelated! h15m udeng ko! nakupenda! im returning to my sturdy wall's succumbing warmth and im never leaving again.. visit my blog http://issasoberano.blogspot.com/
WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR PROFILE BG:
spider layouts ata..
DO YOU LIKE POSTING BULLETINS:
nope, very seldom lang..
READING BULLETINS??
pag kilala ko nagpost.. o pag nakaka-curious ang subject
DO YOU KNOW ALL YOUR FRIENDS?
3/4 lng.. ung iba dati pa un, nung adik pa ko mag-optichat..
DO YOU MAKE COMMENTS/TESTI 4 URFRIENDS:
yup, lalo ngaun, walang magawa.. ginagawang chat room ang comments section...
DO YOU HAVE MUSIC?
xempre! immem.. title nung playlist ko niemand's elegies (because there are things only music could put life into..) may knta ng zelle, FATA, flyleaf, narda, secondhand serenade, aizo, silent sanctuary, mojofly, kitchie, rihanna, nelly furtado, moonstar, up dharma, juana, plumb, red jumpsuit apparatus, story of the year, linkin park, all-american rejects, mutya, etc.
WHO IS IN YOUR FEATURED FRIENDS?
mahal kong c udeng, c bhebhe, frodo, kareen, teatro kumbento at JPIA.
DO YOU WRITE ON YOUR BLOG?
isang post lng dun, pinapapunta ko sila dito sa blogger account ko.. ^_^
HOW MANY HAVE VIEWED YOU?
65 in 6 days (since 2/3/08)
WHO'S THE LAST ONE WHO VIEWED U?
c amor..
DO YOU KNOW HIM/HER?
yup, JPIAn freshman.. na-curious cguro sa shout out ko dati 2ngkol kei ninong manok.. hehe! xempre c palay ang kakampihan nya, clasm8 nya un eh.. to each its own.. yeah!!
DO YOU HAVE RELATIVES IN UR FRIENDS:
c mama, ate dana, ate myz, kareen, almost half ng cousins.. bhebhe!!
WHAT'S UR STATUS?
in a relationship
IS THAT TRUE?
just check my pics kung ayaw maniwala..
HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU LOG IN IN AWEEK?
araw-araw, 6am-12nn nka log-in ako.
DO YOU GIVE OUT NUMBERS ON FS? OR ASKFOR NUMBERS?
never.
DO YOU HAVE PRIVATE PHOTOS?
wala, WYSIWYG ang drama ko, bakit ba?
IF YOU DO, HOW MANY HAVE ACCESS ON IT?
not applicable
WHAT'S IN YOUR PRIVATE PHOTOS?
not applicable
HOW MANY MSGS YOU HAVE?
107
WHO WAS THE LAST ONE WHO MSG U UP?
c kris, former writer ng crusader na sa rtu na nag-aaral..
DID U REPLY?
nope, forwarded lng un eh..
IS YOUR EX IN UR FS?
nope.
YUNG NAKASULAT BA SA ABOUT ME MO EH TOTOO?
what's the point in lying?
EH SA WHO YOU WANT TO MEET?
same as above
DO YOU DELETE FRIENDS?
never.
SO ANONG MEANING NG FS?
financial statement??
HOW MANY ACCOUNT DO YOU HAVE?
2, pero inactive na ung missygirl account ko, first year pa un eh..
ARE YOU A FAN OF ANYONE?
zelletheband and toni g.
WHY ARE U USING FS?
to connect with old acquaintances
HOW MANY PUBLIC PHOTOS YOU HAVE?
481
WHERE N WHEN WAS UR PRIMARY PHOTO TAKEN?
mosaic version xa nung unang pic nmen ni udeng taken on christmas party 2006, PCC
DO YOU USE HTML CODES IN CONMMENTS?
more often than not..
DO YOU VIEW PROFILES WHERE U THINK THE USER ARE CUTE?
more probably because they're a friend of a friend, or nakaka-curious ung primary pic nila..
DO YOU ADD PROFILE ACCOUNTS BEC THE OWNER IS CUTE/ATTRACTIVE?
nope, that would be very shallow.
DO YOU HAVE A GROUP?
yup, 8 as member, 1 as owner
HAVE YOU BLOCKED SOMEONE?
wala pa nman.
HAS ANY OF YOUR PHOTOS HAVE ACOMMENT?
yup, lalo na c mama, bakit daw mas maraming pic c ugin kesa sa knya.. ung iba sa clasm8s en sisters ko..
MAY NAKAAWAY KA NA BA SA FS?
again, very shallow.
HAS ANYONE GRAB YOUR PHOTOS?
yup. redzh, abin, ate dana, ate belle, ron, melot, undet, aw-aw, ate myz, tata, jovy, joy, katriz..
HAS ANYONE HACKED YOUR FS?
none. but i really would like to hack someone else's.
DO YOU HAVE SLIDESHOWS?
pics nmen ni udeng.
^_^
i guess i cant help it.. khit planuhin kong wag magpakita s knya o kausapin xa ng matagal pra mtakot xang awayin ako.. hanggang isang gabi ko lng kayang magtiis.. haay..
but i never regret that..
and i admit that i overreacted the other day..
may magagawa ba ko kung mahal na mahal ko xa? and i dont want to just throw away those times we had.. 15 months na kme bukas!!
i was looking at his email account, binabasa ko ung mga lumang msgs.. nakakatawang isipin na gnun kme dti.. tas gnito na kme ngaun.. ^_^
im really glad i turned out like this.. i would nver want it any other way..
mahal na mahal kita udeng.
there we go again, just like before.. arguing on petty things, then silence will overwhelm.. in times like these, i never know what to feel. i feel lonely that i just want him to hug me and let me know that everything's alright. but then again, i want to shout at him, to slap him for making me feel miserable because i can't be angry at him despite the fact that he always hurt me. i feel mad at myself for letting it continually affect me, and make me want him to just stay and hold me. but more so, i felt tired of this never ending cycle--we hurt, we miss each other, we make up, we fight, we hurt.. i felt numb, and i don't think i will be able to tolerate it in the future. and that realization frightens me so much that i felt number. what if i can't put up with it much longer? what if i hurt so much i can't take it anymore? even the sheer possibility of it makes me want to burst into tears. so that ends it? after a long time of dealing with each other's personal issues, learning to deal with so many problems, getting used to each other's presence? do we have to end up just like everyone else--together, but will never be?
i don't think i can deal with that. but i don't think i can talk to him right now.. there's just too much hurt and i don't want him to see me cry. i don't want anyone to see me cry. maybe all those things just accumulated and i just have to let it all out before i can face him again. i know i just needed some rest. i need to be anywhere else but with him, so i can think clearly.
last night, i told him that i needed some rest. and he agreed. normally i would feel walled with him, protected, safe, but nearly suffocated. when he agreed, i thought i would feel lighter, free, but instead, i felt hollow. i never felt more unsure of myself.
i wanted to get out of my wall, but i never want to leave its assurance of shelter, its security that nothing bad will happen to me.
but my wall may crumble, and i have to leave or it will fall on me.
i have to be sure it's sturdy enough to hold me, then maybe i can return, and succumb to its promises of warmth and home.
